The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

I love writing and aspire to one day write a book but for now a blog, within which I will be writing about the things in my life that are of interest to me and I am passionate about.

Future blogs will include book reviews, mental health issues, parenting, education, societal issues such as addiction and lack of support after forms of abuse plus many more as they come to mind.

My posts will be messy and natural just like life and I am sure there will be mistakes lol. Hope you enjoy the posts and look forward to sharing thoughts and ideas in the future.

Please feel free to interact on posts and to contact me directly if you would like to. If there are any topics you would like to see from me please send me ideas, they will be grately appreciated. I really look forward to getting to know you all and enjoying this journey with you.

Ideal set up, something to work towards.

Are we ever truly happy?

I started writing this piece over a year ago, things have changed but the thought of real happiness is one that likes to come up on a regular basis.

“I am sat here wondering about happiness, when is anyone ever truly happy in their life? We can never be happy all the time but what does it take to have the scales tipped more to the side of happy rather than the side of sadness and depression for a prolonged period of time?

I know I have so many things to be happy for but no matter what happens in life I always seem to feel like something is missing although I don’t know what that is. Maybe it’s that I am not where I hope to be in my career or life goals, maybe it is because I don’t really like the house I live in, maybe it’s because my health is going down hill faster than I can get into the doctors lol. Or maybe just maybe it’s because of the evil chemical imbalance in my brain? I believe all these factors play a part in why my scales are tipped to the darker side and why I find it difficult to sustain the lighter side.

Now I know that a lot of my thoughts are coming from my depression as I have realised that over the years that I have had that depression in me. I was bullied from the age of 5 by a girl called Abigail, I really don’t know why she didn’t like me but she always found a reason to do so, whether it be my weight or some other factor I don’t know. This was the start of my journey into the darkness of depression and where I believe my unhealthy attachment with food started.

Whenever I felt, and to this day feel, down I would eat the cycle goes like this… maybe you will relate. So I’m happy I eat, feel fat I eat, I feel bored I eat, something good happens I eat, something bad happens I eat and so on and so forth. I still do this to this day it is annoying and really doesn’t help with my confidence with being plus size.

One thing I do believe is that society plays a massive part in making us unhappy, everything we are shown is that no matter how much we have we should have more, no matter how thin we are we need to be thinner and fitter, now matter how much healthy food we eat or in some cases how much food we don’t eat it is never good enough for the socially acceptable norms that we are shown on T.V or in magazines.

It would be so nice to come to a point in my life where I can live more in the light and only have those rare glimpses of the darkness but just the small inconveniences not as bigger issues as I see them now.

I know that I am lucky to have what I have which is my house, my family including my amazingly supportive fiancée and my two gorgeous babies and what is left of my health. I just seem to always be searching for more that what I already have.

Is it ever possible to get rid of depression fully? I don’t know if it, I believe that it will stay with you for life but your choices of how to deal with it will determine the way and the amount that it will negatively impact your life.

I have found that since I moved house my depression has become stronger, I used to ground myself everyday when I was at the old house because I had grass to walk on, I could go outside put my feet on to the grass I would imagine my depression and negative thoughts would go into the ground like roots of a tree and then positive energy would come back up through them like water being sucked up helping me to grow spiritually. I need to find away to get back to that and to be able to push it all out of me again but it just doesn’t feel the same trying to ground on a concrete slab. This disconnection has had a huge impact on my Wicca practice as I feel consumed by the depression and I hate it.

I do find that writing helps, it enables me to focus my thoughts and find short-term release from some of them even if it is only for a couple of hours.

Maybe Wicca is what is missing which is why the depression has been able to get a deeper hold on me this time around?”

What do you all believe is the key to prolonged happiness? Do you think that it can be achieved and sustained? Let me know in the comments or contact me directly through messenger or email I would love to hear your views on this subject.

BB Sheryl xxHiRes_PDF_Page_06_Image_0003

The Power of a Candle

I have been sat here all morning in pain, struggling to sort the kids out and a 5 month old the won’t nap dispite getting up at half 5 this morning. I have felt rough thanks to the joys of the issues inside me. Yet I decided to light some candles and shift my energy balance into the positive.

Now most people that know me know that I am Wiccan, I may be terrible and not do much with it but candles are everyone’s friend. When you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed or depressed, like I have been today, a candle can change that. I know it isn’t a miracle cure but when you light them you can feel their warmth, see their glow and find a calm, comforting place in watching them flicker.

Even better are scented candles, they can transport your mind to a happy place through a smell you love, which isn’t hard to find with the variety available in shops and online or you can do your on by adding oils to your candles before burning to make them unique to you.

I have found that in the last couple of hours since lighting them I feel calm, my daughter had a sleep and I am feeling more like myself again.

I am wondering though, do any of you do the same? How do you find ways to relax and shift the energy from negative to positive?

Would love to hear your ideas.

Blessed Be xx

Mediocre Life??

I read an article yesterday about wanting a mediocre life… it spoke to me on so many levels. The author wrote about the world being so fast paced and constantly making people push and push to achieve more, to better themselves (not always a bad thing), to sacrafice for your achievements and to have a huge impact on the world. But what if you don’t want that? What if you have depression or anxiety which all these things make worse bcause you are beating yourself up for not having it all, doing it all and achieving it all? What if you are ok with not being the greatest version of yourself and are happy to live within the chaos and the calm that come along with a mediocre life?

Well I have realised that I want to strive to live in the medicore life, all the rest becomes too much and at times too depressing if you are failing to achieve it. We as a society need to realise that all of these things can be the cause of our feelings of emptiness and failure but trust me we are not we are just being fooled into thinking we are because of the media whether it is adverts or social media where everyone is doing adverts.

Now I am all for supporting friends with their own businesses but as soon a you like a post you have someone messaging you about their products to “improve” your look with make up or weight loss aids. NO I’m ok being mediocre and over weight, I have taken years of hating myself and trying to be like all the girls in magazines but it just depresses me and makes the contents of my fridge dwindle lol.

I say I have a mediocre life but I have two beautiful children, an amazing partner that loves me unconditionally, a house to live in and food in the cupboards, I have more than most and although it’s less than many I don’t have the energy to care anymore they can do the striving and stressing I’m going to curl up with a cup of tea and enoy the middle ground of the life I have been given.

What do you think? Do you strive to do it all or do you enjoy the mediocre without the guilt of not being a world changing phenomenon?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this and would be extremely grateful for you to share.

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